


If You Had To Choose

by Anonymous



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe GTA, Attempt at Humor, Canon-Typical Behavior, F/M, Fake AH Crew, Gen, Implications of shipping but it's joking, Inappropriate Humor, Matt POV, Minor Original Character(s), Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-22 19:31:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Millions dollars but-.” Gavin had climbed onto the table but was swiftly cut off by Jeremy. “Pick a Fake to fuck!” He yelled over Gavin and the kitchen went silent. Matt debated if it was too early to get blackout drunk.One of Matt's friends outside of his work asks an interesting question and Jeremy is around to hear it. Naturally he uses it as an opportunity to hijack Gavin's next "Million Dollars But."





	If You Had To Choose

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as something silly. Casual reminder that this isn't about the real people in any way shape or form. Don't even think about connecting this to the people it was inspired by. Thank you.

Matt nursed his drink thoughtfully as he watched the muted television behind the bar. Geoff and Trevor would rather that none of the Fakes frequent any establishment in case they were compromised but eh. This bar was comfortable, so sue him if he was a regular, plus he’d been coming here before he’d joined the Fakes.

He barely looked over as Jeanie pulled herself up onto the counter to sit next to him. “There is a perfectly good stool right there.” He gestured, the blonde laughed and he finally caved, looking at her.

“You’re right but,” She waved a hand. “This makes sure that there’s room for Cody and Brook.” Matt turned on his stool as the pair wandered up to sit down. Matt winced, feeling a little bad for Cody. There was no doubt that he had been busy for the last couple of days and admittedly, he had the Fakes to blame. Paperwork when gangs like them were involved was difficult. Brook wasn’t much better, anyone tough (or dumb) enough to be a security guard in Los Santos was in high demand.

“Oh they’re still showing that footage?” Brook asked disinterestedly and Matt looked at the TV. The news stations were still running the Fakes last heist through the wringer. He couldn’t help the dash of pride, that heist had gone exceptionally well and none of the crew had been hurt.

Brook, Cody, and Jeanie each ordered drinks and Matt settled in for the long haul. This was his group of regulars and they were pleasant enough to hang out with.

“How’re you doing Cody?” Matt asked, sipping his drink and raising an eyebrow.

“Everything has been fucked by the Fakes again but that’s nothing new.” Cody grumbled, taking a gulp of his whiskey before staring into the depths like they would tell him something.

“Oh!” Jeanie perked up, setting her glass down and giving them all a sly look. “If you had to pick a Fake, which one would you want to fuck or get fucked by?” Matt almost choked on his drink, slamming it down on the bar and coughing. Brook made a vaguely concerned noise, patting his back.

“You gonna live Matt?” She asked and Matt nodded, not quite trusting himself to talk yet. “Well… probably Supernova, she seems pretty cool.” Brook answered and Jeanie nodded thoughtfully, pointing to Cody.

“I would like to remove myself from this line of questioning because I get fucked by the Fakes on a regular basis anyway.” Cody sighed but Jeanie shook her head. “Fine.” Cody grumbled, putting a hand to his chin. “If I had to choose, probably the Golden Boy or Mogar. They’re probably not bad looking.”

“I would pick the Vagabond personally. Hey Matt.” Matt actually choked on his drink that he had been chugging because he had already committed to the idea of needing to be much drunker to have _this_ conversation. Ryan leaned against the bar, Jeremy sitting down on the open stool to his left.

“Uh who’re you?” Brook asked, sitting up a little straighter and visibly tensing. Matt waved his hand, trying to get his breathing back under control.

“Friends of mine, chill.” He rasped and Brook sank back down onto her stool to nurse her drink. “This is Jeremy and Ryan.” He gestured to each respectively, looking up as Josh came toward them holding a bottle.

“What would you two like?” The bartender asked, glancing toward Matt when he raised a hand.

“I need another glass of this.” He gestured to his drink and Josh raised an eyebrow.

“That’s not even half empty, don’t you think you should wait…” He trailed off as Matt picked his glass up and proceeded to chug it without breaking eye contact. “Why?” He finally asked with a defeated sigh.

“Blame those two.” Matt pointed to Ryan and Jeremy, the latter putting a hand to his chest in offense. “They’re the reason my liver is going to give out.”

“Pretty sure there’s other things Matt but now I want to know how Jeremy is going to answer my question.” Jeanie leaned past Matt to look closer at Ryan and Jeremy. Josh walked away, hopefully to get Matt his drink because he wanted to be at the point of passing out thank you very much.

The man in question stroked his beard and Matt rolled his eyes at him. “That’s an excellent question but probably Axial.” Wait what- Jeremy what the hell. Matt’s brain short-circuited and he squinted at Jeremy. The man could be an asshole when he wanted to be.

“Jeremy what the fuck.” Ryan asked flatly and a quick glance at the others told Matt that they had the same question. “I don’t know, you never asked for a reason but he looks like he has nice hair to pull.” Jeremy shrugged and Ryan made a low distressed noise. “So does the Vagabond.” He huffed, reaching out and intercepting Matt’s drink before Josh could give it to him. He took a sip, promptly making a face and passing it to Matt. “Tastes like motor oil.”

“Yeah sure Ryan but that’s not who I picked.” Jeremy shrugged and Matt stared at his drink, wondering if there was enough to drown him. He knew that he would be asked. It was more figuring out what answer would earn him the least amount of ribbing from the two on his left. He wasn’t going to say his own codename, he wasn’t that narcissistic _Ryan_. “What do you say Matt?” He looked at Jeremy, oh he knew that look. That was a bad look.

“Come on Bragg.” Jeanie nudged his side and he panicked, spitting out the first name that came to mind.

“Rimmy Tim.” He really wanted to take that back as Jeremy broke into disbelieving laughter and the other three started fucking giggling. Ryan to his credit just slowly raised an eyebrow. “I panicked.” He huffed, slumping on the bar and ignoring how Jeanie started tapping her fingernails against his back.

“Jeanie you still haven’t answered.” Matt grumbled, turning his head so his nose wasn’t pressed against the wood. The blonde hummed, removing her hand to click her fingernails loudly against the wood by Matt’s ear.

“Probably Heir.” Jeanie shrugged and Matt sat up to look at her. He wondered briefly what Trevor would think if he heard that. She shrugged at his expression and Matt shook his head hazily. The alcohol was catching up with him but he took another gulp of his drink anyway.

* * *

Matt pried his eyes open with a splitting headache and only a vague recollection of what actually happened the previous night. Fumbling for his glasses, he put them on and squinted around the room. His throat was dry and he swung his legs off of the bed to grab the glass of water and pills from the nightstand.

Feeling marginally better now that his throat didn’t feel like it was going to shatter, he picked up his phone. Two missed calls from Trevor and a myriad of texts from other Fake members or his outside friends. He sighed, trying to decide who he should try to contact first. In the hierarchy of importance… Trevor should be called back first. He sighed, calling Trevor.

“Matt!”

He winced, pulling the phone away from his ear. “Morning?” He said hesitantly, raising an eyebrow.

“Everyone is in the kitchen, get down here.” Trevor was way too loud and perky this morning. Although he was loud pretty much all the time but he didn’t sound upset. Matt glared at his alarm clock for a moment before standing up and going to hunt down some clothes.

* * *

“Matt!” He froze at the shout, Gavin bouncing toward him before circling around and shoving him into the kitchen. “I’ve got a really ‘good million dollars but...’ question!” He stumbled into the room under the force of Gavin’s excited push.

He looked around the kitchen at the other Fakes. Michael was slumped across the island, halfheartedly eating cereal out of a bowl that Lindsay hadn’t poured milk into yet. Or so he was forced to assume. Picking up wet cereal sounded gross. Trevor and Jeremy were all looking at a laptop that Trevor was holding. Geoff and Ryan were standing near the stoves while Jack poured herself some coffee. Fiona was… Matt paused, he had heard her talking on the way in but where was she? Something hit him in the head and he twisted, glaring.

Fiona was perched on top of the fucking fridge, drinking something out of a mug and balancing a plate on her knee. She waved with a grin and he huffed, turning away.

“Millions dollars but-.” Gavin had climbed onto the table but was swiftly cut off by Jeremy. “Pick a Fake to fuck!” He yelled over Gavin and the kitchen went silent. Matt debated if it was too early to get blackout drunk.

“Jack.” Geoff said flatly in the silence, reaching over to flip one of Ryan’s pancakes. The taller man hissed and swatted at Geoff’s hand.

“That you’re not already with.” Gavin squawked, apparently getting on board with the idea of the game. “Did we really have to specify that?” He asked, jumping off the table to sit on the edge of the counter next to Michael. He reached toward the bowl of cereal and Michael yanked it away to tuck it around his other side. “Micool… why?”

“That’s the Jones’ bowl not the Free bowl.” Michael yawned, pushing it toward Lindsay as she came over with a gallon of milk.

“Probably Ryan then.” Geoff sighed, bringing Matt’s attention back to the question. Trevor set his laptop down on the table and took a seat.

“Ditto.” Jack took a sip of her coffee and Ryan looked at them both with wide eyes before nodding thoughtfully.

“Either of you.” He said as Trevor started laughing. He turned toward him, brow crinkled and Matt shook his head, slinking to sit down.

Jeremy surveyed the room thoughtfully before pointing at Ryan and Matt. “Probably one of you two.” He shrugged, looking toward Gavin. The blond perked up with a sharp grin.

“I think Michael.” Gavin tapped a finger against his chin, pulling one of his legs up to his chest. “That’d probably work out okay.” He smiled at the brunet and Michael groaned.

“Jeremy because I know he wouldn’t be smug about it and,” Michael now sat up straight, pointing a finger at Gavin. “There wouldn’t be any bird noises.” Gavin immediately broke into offended squawking and Michael gestured soundlessly toward him.

Jeremy cracked first, practically wheezing as he disappeared from Matt’s view. He stood up, containing his own amusement to peer over the island at Jeremy. He was crouched, leaning back against the cupboards.

Trevor cleared his throat, having gotten over his own laughter and Matt turned to look at him. “As funny as that was…” He was interrupted by Gavin. “The others haven’t gotten to answer yet!” He yelped, pointing to Fiona, Lindsay, Trevor, and Matt.

“Lindsay.” “Fiona.”

The women both looked at each other before Lindsay snapped her fingers together to point them at Fiona. “Eyyy.”

“Gavin. There, can we move on now?” Trevor asked and Gavin tutted, shaking his head. “Matt still hasn’t said anything.”

“I already know what Matt’s answer is going to be.” Ryan said confidently and Matt whipped around to glare at him.

“Haywood do not.” He warned, voice dropping but Ryan just grinned like a man who neither knew nor feared a god.

“Fine answer it yourself but do understand that I have proof.” Ryan pulled his phone from his jeans and wiggled it.

“Jeremy.” Matt sighed heavily and Trevor looked toward him like he was expecting Jeremy to move. “That’s what my answer was, I wasn’t attempting to set Jeremy on his Battle Buddy.” Matt said and Trevor nodded.

“Okay are we done fucking around now?” Trevor asked flatly. “We’ve got shit to do.” Varying noises of assent came from those assembled in the kitchen and Matt settled down to listen to Trevor.

He looked up as Alfredo slipped through the door, holding a bag. He looked around for a moment before trying to join the group as quietly as possible. “Alfredo’s here now so he should answer too!” Gavin said loudly.

“Goddammit Gavin!” Michael shouted and Matt shook his head, putting his hands over his ears as people started yelling. It was a good thing that no one outside the Fakes knew they acted like this. They’d have been laughed out of the city years ago.


End file.
